Bat Attack! Reprise

Since my wife likes to use the first person plural in place of the third person singular, I would like to expound in first person singular how I exhibited some total "MAN" last night.

After putting on my work pants and sleeveless shirt, I performed perhaps the second manliest task involving a toilet that a true man can attempt. I installed a toilet! I dropped that bad boy down on a brand new wax ring and reconnected the water. Before I could test it out with the most manliest of tasks, I went downstairs to put the tools in the basement.

At the foot of the stairs I caught a black blur out of the corner of my left eye which I dismissed as a hallucination from the increased testosterone levels in my blood. However, when I came up out of the basement and saw the intruder flying around in my living room there was no dismissing the situation. BAT ATTACK!!!!

I calmly put down my PBR and called to the wife upstairs that we have a bat in the house and she locked the dogs in the bedroom. My bulldog is rabid enough already. I reached for my shotgun and then reconsidered. A broom would suffice. It was me against the bat.

I'm an animal lover, but I couldn't let Edward Cullen reach the second floor where my beautiful baby was sleeping. I also had to resign myself to possibly shattering a lamp or knocking over the TV because this blood sucker must die!

Edward flew at my head a few times, but I'd only had one PBR and was still nimble as a cat. I missed on my first two swings, the count was 0-2. Unfortunately for Edward, he left his 0-2 pitch hanging in my wheel house (high and outside) and I nailed him. He slid under my speaker and tried to hide. Here is where we can now switch to the nosotros form, Ashley grabbed a blanket and we pulled Edward out from under the speaker with the broom and smothered him. After that it was just a matter of getting the blanket outside and Edward fluttered a bit on the ground and then flew off to find Bella or a crowd of shirtless 16 year old boys.

I basked in my manliness. I had just performed two of the most intensely masculine duties a husband can do. The only things more impressive is if I had rebuilt an engine and then defended my home from a horde of Russians or a crystal-meth tweaker.

Creatures of the night, think twice before you invade my house after I'm high off of successful plumbing.